December 18, 2006
Monday

I was 24 years old when Ms. magazine began publication. The title came from an honorific for women devised as a marital status-neutral business title in 1961 by civil rights activist Sheila Michaels. The reasoning was that if men were referred to as “Mr.” whether they were married or not, then women should be referred to as “Ms.” rather than “Mrs.” (which indicated they were married) or “Miss,” which indicated they were single. Gloria Steinem chose it as the title for her feminist magazine in 1971. Resistance to its use was widespread, and even today many people believe that it is used only by women who are single and wish to hide that fact. Thus you’ll find information cards that offer only the titles “Mr.,” “Mrs.,” and “Ms.” What happened to “Miss,” I want to know.

I went by “Miss” until I was married for the first time. When I was single I resisted having “Ms.” foisted on me. “But you’re not married. Don’t you want to hide that?” people said. Why would I want to? I certainly wasn’t ashamed of my status. At school I was known as “Mrs. DeAngelis” and appeared on faculty lists as “Mrs. Margaret DeAngelis.” I have been identified as “Mrs. Ronald DeAngelis” only in extremely formal social situations. And these days, with casual acquaintances and even children appropriating my first name without much inquiry as to what I might prefer, a title seems to be used only on printed matter. (For the record, I’d prefer to be Ms. or Mrs. DeAngelis to the customer service representative from the supermarket who calls to ask if my party trays were satisfactory, rather than have the conversation begin “Hi, Margaret, how are you today?”)

The last time I ordered from the Metropolitan Museum of Art I was annoyed that my only choices were “Mr.,” “Mrs.,” “Ms.” and “Dr.” I checked “Dr,” not thinking anything of it. Evidently the museum sold its list and I began to receive direct mail appeals addressed to “Dr. Margaret DeAngelis.” One of them was for a charity that included a set of return address labels.

I always keep those things and use them, even though I never contribute to the charity. The set that had “Dr. DeAngelis” also happened to have a Santa Claus and a gold border, so I used them on my invitation this year. Who ever looks at those things anyway?

A lot of people, it turns out. I’m receiving Christmas cards addressed to “Dr. Margaret DeAngelis” and “Mr. Ronald and Dr. Margaret DeAngelis.” Someone at the supermarket stopped me and said, “Did you get a doctorate? Wow. Congratulations.”

For the record, no, I didn’t. Although there are doctoral programs in creative writing, they are designed for people who are on a career track in university teaching. Most MFA (Master of Fine Arts) programs in creative writing are pursued for that purpose as well (because you have to have something to pay the bills with before that zillion-dollar advance comes in). And though I’d love to have the attention and experience and intellectual stimulation that pursuing another degree would offer, ultimately the degree itself would be just decoration.

I’ll just stay Ms. or Mrs. DeAngelis, that lady over in Woodridge who writes fiction and helps kids with their college admissions essays.

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