December 7, 2006
Thursday

Every year I tell myself that this is not going to happen, that I’ll plan better, and though every year things improve, I still fall into the same patterns of yielding to distraction and losing focus.

Holiday preparation caught up with me today. I’ve let myself neglect useful routines that promote both physical and mental health. I’ve stopped reading, I’ve stopped the kind of moodling writing that I usually do in the early mornings, and I’ve stopped eating well. I got to my Thursday morning spiritual study group having consumed about a quarter of a loaf of King’s Hawaiian Bread (Buy One Get One Free at the Giant this week!) liberally spread with butter. At the session I ate probably five little pecan tarlets (they are small) while feeling awkward while everyone made their plans for next week’s annual outing to a buffet and matinee. I wrote last year about how I do not enjoy this event and how I wished to skip it but didn’t know how to do so gracefully. This year I just didn’t say yes the day we took the count, and nobody seemed concerned. And I do see the absurdity of wishing faintly that someone had tried to talk me into going.

I’ll come back from this and get back into the joy of the season soon. But for today, I’m just a lump.

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