December 20, 2007
Thursday
In yesterday’s piece I wrote about Lynn’s first three visits to Santa Claus, the second of which resulted in a picture of a screaming fifteen-month-old clutching a candy cane while trying to flee the embrace of a bearded stranger. Of that incident I wrote this:
What was I thinking? What was so important about this picture with a mythical figure we never even pretended we wanted her to believe in that I would make my beautiful little girl endure what was obviously a frightening ordeal?
I have been greatly surprised, and saddened, today to find myself the target of ridicule and condemnation from a number of people because I did not present to my daughter as a fact the existence of a man called Santa Claus in a red suit who lives at the North Pole with elves who make toys all the livelong day and who then on Christmas Eve travels around the world in a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer and delivers those toys to all the boys and girls in the world (except the naughty ones) by sliding down their chimneys, even at houses that don’t have any chimneys, or whose chimneys are vents for pits of burning coal or oil or propane.
“I can’t get past the part where you didn’t encourage belief in Santa!” wrote one reader.
I tried to explain. We presented Santa Claus to Lynn the same way we did Big Bird or Cookie Monster or Mickey Mouse or even the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz. They all are fantasy figures who make us feel good and be happy while we are engaging with them in the context of their stories, but they are not real. (And oh for heaven’s sake I didn’t use lit crit diction like that, I used age-appropriate diction. And I didn’t explain it so clearly. I just never pretended that Santa Claus was anything other than a fantasy figure.) Santa Claus in particular represents many warm and fuzzy things about the Christmas season. So she believed in Santa Claus the way she believed in Big Bird or Cookie Monster.
“Why would you deprive her of such a wonderful experience?” said another. “That is just cruel!”
Why would I present Santa Claus as a pleasant fantasy and not as a reality? I’ll tell you why. It doesn’t have anything to do with my being a woman of faith, but everything to do with the fact (yes, fact) that (oh geez, I hope I am not presenting life-changing information for anyone here) Santa Claus is not real. He is a myth.
Evidently no harm has been done. Lynn is twenty-two, finishing an undergraduate degree in biology, sensible, sensitive, level-headed, cheerful, courteous, and thrifty, brave, and clean as well.
But what do I know? Maybe she’ll be in a therapist’s office in years to come ascribing all her problems to the fact that her cruel mother did not lie to her about Santa Claus.Â
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I remember when I was in first grade and was convinced by other kids that Santa Claus was not real I was really mad at my parents for telling me a lie. I felt betrayed by my parents for making me look like an idiot to the other kids. Maybe it had something to do with being an only child? I had no siblings to break the news to me. I think you were right.
Joey: “Yeah, it’s just like that thing about Santa.”
Phoebe: “What thing about Santa?”
Joey: “You know, that he doesn’t exist.”
Phoebe: “Oh yeah. Of course.”
Joey: “Ok, see you later.”
Phoebe: “Bye.”
[stares, terrified]
If you didn’t tell me, Friends would have.
I did the same as you with regard to our kids and Santa–a fantasy figure, not real. Why should we lie to our kids about this? The wonder and magic of Christmas exist, I believe, outside of the Santa Claus story. When they were older I introduced them to St. Nicholas and how his tradition developed.
When I was teaching, a staff member used to berate me every Christmas because I had robbed my children of the experience of Santa Claus, which she claimed was the most wonderful part of her childhood. I don’t need to tell you the private doubts I nurtured about the wonder of her childhood!
I was told that Santa was real. I believed it until at least first grade, when I realized how ridiculous the story was. When I gave up the belief (I too was ridiculed), I was actually relieved. Now I didn’t need to wrestle with the notion that Santa managed to get all the way around the world in one evening, with enough toys for every child, all squeezed into one huge sled. Even at five years of age, the story seemed to me to be impossible. I thought quite logically,even at that young age.
Why does wonder and childhood innocence have to be based on a lie. (And do people not get the inherent irony of this?)
Isn’t it wonderful enough that millions and millions of people are coming together to celebrate the same thing, and you’ve got parents who love you and want you to be happy?
Adults are so enamoured with this “childhood innocence” bullshit and I think it’s more for their benefit than the child’s. Kids don’t care unless you build it up and talk it up and make them care, by god, about this imaginary man in a red suit, for the sake of a few photo ops.
I just think there are enough wonderful things that are true, that you don’t have to lie about (thus setting the child up for disillusionment), and that will always be true.
I believed in Santa Claus probably for a lot longer than I should have, but only because of Patty and Danny. I did not teach the Santa Claus lie to my kids. We told them about Santa, that he was a made up figure, we told the story, we told them some kids might believe in him so don’t spoil their fun, but you know better. My kids know about baby Jesus and we give gifts because we love each other, and our friends, etc. I think it shocks a lot of people around here when they say to my kids “What’s Santa bringing you for Christmas this year?” and they reply “Santa isn’t real!” But I don’t care.
Marg,
We, too, didn’t teach about Santa Claus. Santa isn’t the reason we celebrate Christmas…we celebrate the birth of Our Lord Jesus. Why would we deliberately lie to our child? We were taught, and taught our child NOT to lie.
We taught our son the true meaning of the celebration of Christmas as did you…celebrating the birth of Our Lord.
In this world today most people don’t understand the true reason for celebrating Christmas and prefer the “Santa reasons.” It’s a sad commentary on our society today that we’re criticized for not giving in to the lie.